why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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