When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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