I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
