I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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