woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
being pregnant is like rehab
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
