Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
