I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
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