oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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