Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
