I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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