I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
