glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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