The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
