just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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