Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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