My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
