I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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