Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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