All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
