i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize