i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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