why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
