I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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