I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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