I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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