Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
