The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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