and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
