Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
