I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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