At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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