Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
