Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
