I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
