why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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