ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
