EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
