gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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