my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
