return my video game
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
