Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Randomize
