So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
