My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
