She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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