cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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