I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
