thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
