i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Two words: blizzard sex
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
