1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
