Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
