And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
