i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
