I want to make a zoo with you.
Your dad touched me again.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
