Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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