mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize