Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
