So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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