She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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