My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
