That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
