my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
