last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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