Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
soo... how was my night?
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