You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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