Christians are straight up FREAKS
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
