I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
