I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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