just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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