we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
