Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
