sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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