I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
