I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
