I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Dick very happy bro
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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