I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
