I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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