Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
